March 2012
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My mom: *sings* This is a song for all the penises that look like vegetables!
Me: No... Mom, that's... That's not how that song goes...
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dentist: im going to put this sharp metal object in your mouth okay
me: *gums start bleeding*
dentist: this wouldnt happen if you flossed
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February 2012
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Everything I know about Twilight
pizzaforpresident:
I’ve never seen a twilight movie or read a book before so I thought it would be fun to write down everything I know about the series in one incredibly incorrect post.
TWILIGHT
Bella moves to Forks Washington to live with her dad and it always rains
She meets an asian kid in high school and falls in love with Edward and sits next to him in biology
She meets the other...
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When I heard my name I could hear in my head half of American going ‘OH, GOD....
– Meryl Streep GODDESS OF THE ARTS AND PROCLAIMERS OF HEROES (via mischiefmanagement)
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We were in greece, we danced, I was gay, and we...
barriga:
#I PROBABLY FATHERED YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER
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HER? AGAIN?
– Absolutely no one (via apriki)
The person I reblogged this from is beautiful.
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ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
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whenever I watch award ceremonies now, I can't...
shoestringtheory:
nysundust:
things he would mention:
fuck
his family
holy shit
the word “goober”
fucking hell
Team starkid
all his fans
oh and i guess the director and his fellow actors
god damn
also: freelance whales
He’d better fucking mention Starkid
I’m going to go to Titanic 3D and bring little spray bottles of water and spray people during the sinking of the ship to help with the 3D experience
SCORSESE
victoryjobs:
“I love you more than Kanye loves Kanye,” said Kanye to a mural of Kanye wearing an airbrushed Prada t-shirt of Kanye holding a photo of Kanye in front of Kanye’s mirror as a rocket ship full of Kanyes soared overhead.
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harrypotterandtheblog:
Michael Gambon should show up at the Oscars in a burst of Phoenix Flames steal on Oscar for Harry Potter and then disappear. Because even if the Academy doesn’t like it they can’t deny, Dumbledore’s got style.
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I hope somewhere in the world David Heyman, Stuart Craig, David Yates, and all of the rest of them are taking giant baths in their pools full of cash.
#suck on our 7.7 billion
Omg will and zach
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Brave is going to be good.
dusknitemaren:
Really good.
thehpfacts:
And so we have it.
Out of the three nominations that the series received, it did not receive a single Oscar tonight, leaving the series with no Oscars over the last 10 years.
I don’t believe I have to ask you what your thoughts are, but just remember this - even though we’re upset, at least we don’t need an award to justify our love for the films, even if the Academy thinks we do.
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I love animation because in the world of animation, you can be anything you...
– CHRIS ROCK, introducing the Best Animated Film Oscar. (via inothernews)